The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
