Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
