The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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