im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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