He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
