I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
