it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
