your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
