Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.