one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?