i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
I have to watch that.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.