I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my being single is dangerous.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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