What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
