Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
