I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.