WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dating After Heartbreak
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning