the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
should my penis look like a turkey
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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