i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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