Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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