just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
