there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
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I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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