24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
