Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
