no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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