Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
