she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
