i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I will pee on everything he values.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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