someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
