Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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