We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
