boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
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The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
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what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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