hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
