sarcasm needs its own font
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
