maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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