doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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