Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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