google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So vagazzling was a success
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
