Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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