It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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