he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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