Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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