he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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