You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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