See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
