Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
