ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
