Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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