At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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