MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you had me at cake vodka
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
