Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
