My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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