first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
