Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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