did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
