I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize