Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize