In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
