sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
