his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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