like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
