he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
