stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Every concussion has its silver lining
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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